Thank God I Am a Little Smarter Now!

I've been thinking a lot lately about a book I read about 20 years ago that had a huge influence on me and the way I treat all children, but especially my own. It's called Your Child's Self Esteem, by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. I was teaching preschool at the time and my son was in my class. He was a very well-mannered and easy-to-direct child, who was mature and smart beyond his years. I was young and dumb and thought that he should be an example of good behavior, and I expected things of him that I frankly did not expect of my other students. Thank God this book came along at the right time for us.

I read with growing interest and inner conviction about the "Phenomenon of the Mirrors." She makes a good case for how our children figure out who they are, and how worthy they are - by what they see reflected back when they look at our faces, and when they experience our reactions to them. I thought about my own critical nature toward my son (who I was convinced was half-grown by the time he was 4 - told ya' I was dumb thrn) and then I had the most enlightening dream.  

In my dream I was on a field trip with my preschoolers to the skating rink. My son had fallen and was really hurt. He was crying for his mommy. I went to him and tried to help, but he didn't want me. He said I was NOT his Mommy, I was "Miss Diana." He kept crying for his Mommy and I woke up in tears, crushed with guilt!

Dreams' meanings are often obscure to me, but not that one's! My subconscious or The Holy Spirit or however you want to look at it, came through loud and clear that night and I immediately made some changes in my behavior. I had been trying so hard to not give special treatment to my son and not to be "unfair" to the other kids that I'd even asked him to call me "Miss Diana" at school, like everyone else, instead of "Mommy." After that, I made a point to be his preschool teacher AND his Mommy. When I thought about it I realized that it wasn't unfair for him to get special treatment, when he had to share his mother with 15 other little kids! I did always try to keep any special treatment minimal and really private so as not to incite jealousy among the class, but I didn't bend over backward to eliminate it as I'd done before either. We both were happier, more relaxed, and my classroom was a more productive place, because of my new attitude.

Many years and many students later, I now understand very well, that fair treatment for all children does not mean exactly the same treatment for them all. But that sounds like another blog entry to me.